Occasionally, as a long term substitute music teacher in a Title 1 school, I come across behavioral challenges. This is where all of my experiences as youth pastor, counselor, therapeutic staff, etc. come into good use. In these moments, the curriculum is placed on a much needed temporary hold.
Today I sat an unnamed bully in the "hot seat" after witnessing his treatment of another student during music class. It seemed everyone in the class was harboring bitterness towards him. It was becoming a huge hindrance. That was all I needed. I called a quick "status check" meeting to assess the behavioral health of the room. I then invited every student whom the bully had wronged to stand in line. Anyone to whom he had already apologized was then instructed to sit down. Sadly, noone sat down. One by one I wrote their names and his offenses against them. He confessed to only 2 (nonviolent) offenses out of the 17 total offenses, denying the rest, perhaps because he knew such offenses could earn him what we call, "RPC," which means "Required Parent Conference."
After hearing numerous accusations from his peers, I divided the room into two sections using two small rectangular whiteboards as labels. The first whiteboard contained a single word in large black letters:
JAIL!
On the other side of the room, another small rectangular whiteboard hailed a contrasting and perhaps more challenging method:
Apology
-------------
Forgiveness
As these two opportunities were set before the students, I began to wonder... "Which side of the room would they choose?"
After giving them a minute to process the gravity of the two options, the time came for them to choose "JAIL" or "Redemption" for their enemy.
Ready? ...GO!
A total of 4 students initially chose the redemptive option while the remaining 13 students chose to issue their nemesis an immediate JAIL sentence.
Upon seeing half of the class standing boldly against him the "bully" began to cover his face and tears went streaming down his cheeks. He could not even look upon his captors. Justice was flowing. The harsh reality of his behavior toward his classmates came crashing over him like a tsunami.
The class went silent.
I strolled over to the GRACE side of the room where the small rectangular whiteboard stood. Next to the word apology I wrote the word "Change..." so that the NEW whiteboard appeared like this:
Apology / Change
---------------
Forgiveness
Everyone looked at the bully, waiting to see if he might be willing to wholeheartedly agree to the new set of terms set before him. We watched as his face lit up with anticipation. Realizing a simple apology was not enough he agreed to the new terms. Not only was he ready to change but he was now eager to confess to us all the things he had done, which he had previously denied. In one overwhelming swoop, the rest of his captors eagerly switched sides.
They chose grace, change and forgiveness and they did so together... on their own... without pressure from me or anyone else!
Not one students remained on the side of the room marked, "JAIL!" Each and every student stood excitedly in their newfound "challenge."
I gave them time to think about what they had done.
I even gave them all an easy out... "You're not bad kids if you want to stay on this side of the room! Are you sure?!? After all he has done to you?!?"
The entire class nodded with glee.
They knew this was how they wanted to be treated. Seeing the bully confess to the abuses and agree to change his behavior was better than all they had dreamed for their class. Within minutes, they were all instinctively lined up in front of him, ready to give him a hug and welcome him into their culture of kindness which had previously been shared by only a select few.
"Mr. Beauvais! Can you please take our picture with our new friend!?!" ...they shouted!
"Absolutely!" ...I replied.
Huddled together that day, I knew this particular class would never be the same. Their former tears were true. Their newly energized smiles were genuine. Back to music for the remainder of class... but how?!?
How about a song of celebration!
Comments